Friendster Slut

"Perhaps it was inevitable. A backlash is under way against social networking services like Friendster, as more and more companies crowd to join the latest hot Internet trend.

Sick of invitations to join networking services, and the constant nagging to validate friends or acquaintances, some people are turning against the ever-growing social networking services. "

Jason Kottke has made a hilarious post to kottke.org, here's a sample:

"Overwhelmed by the amount of work necessary to keep up with all my friendships on Friendster, Orkut, and all the other social networking sites, I've posted a job opening over on craigslist for a personal social coordinator:

Permanent full-time position for a personal social coordinator for a New York-based web designer.

Your primary responsibility will be managing my accounts with various online social networking sites including, but not limited to, Friendster, LinkedIn, Tribe, Orkut, Ryze, Spoke, ZeroDegrees, Ecademy, RealContacts, Ringo, MySpace, Yafro, EveryonesConnected, Friendzy, FriendSurfer, Tickle, Evite, Plaxo, Squiby, and WhizSpark."

I have a nagging headache, fucked-up lungs (asthma/bronchitis) and I'm a really, REALLY shitty mood. Perfect time to go profile-hopping.

About Me:

"Reluctant sword stripper, latenite desert driver, intrepid roadtripper, sunny day lakeside sleeper, goggles-wearing roman-candleshooter, dog-wrassler, cat pillow, rain-lover, rabid reader, drunken writer, culture jammer, car-singer, wide-eyed adventurer, loud mime." (Lucinda Michele)

"if we get along, i'll start a band with you even if you can't play anything. i have a bike gang and we'll run you down in the street if you are friends with the pigs or affiliated with the collegiate fraternity system." (dirty uncle brad)

"when i was a kid, i tried to memorize my freckle patterns and point them out to my mom, so she would know if i was ever replaced by a robot imposter." (michelle)

"Im Jackie or Jaclyn whichever... im a hater." (LngIslandJACKIE)

"Super human powers of shaking exactly two pills from a prescription bottle." (Zeb)

"this is not me, this is just me reacting to you." (Anna)

"I sneeze a lot and swear a lot. I try to remember to take Claritin and watch my fucking (I mean freaking) mouth. I am learning how to knit and trying not to let it piss me off too much. I am knitting a pretty scarf and every time I fuck it up, I have to go back and fix it. I am not normally a perfectionist but spending craploads of money on fancy yarn and ending up with a shitty piece of crap would just piss me off." (Sarah)

And the winner of the "Making Ryan Laugh-Out-Loud Award Even When He Feels-Like-Shit" goes to: (drumroll...)

"I'm currently accepting donations for my fundraiser to help raise money for a Bentley, for more info contact me. I'm also at peace with Jesus, Allah, and my ex-landlord." (Bijoux)

Well, Miss Cleo gets my vote for sure now :-) ....

Taken from a spoof article (Farhad Manjoo and Katharine Mieszkowski. "Osama bin Laden: Caught by Friendster!", Jan. 5, 2004, Salon.com):

Bin Laden Captured -- Investigators Cite Terror Mastermind's Addiction to Friendster

"It's not easy living in a cave," Osama bin Laden explains to U.S. interrogators moments after he's captured early in 2004. "You might learn to put up with the cold, the bugs, the lumpy bed, but it's the social life that hurts the most. So you go online for a few hours to keep up with your friends. Where's the harm in that?"

But Friendster, the popular online social networking tool, proves to be OBL's undoing. Through a series of unlikely relationships -- which folks like Michael Moore have long been whining about but which were not quite clear until Friendster graphically demonstrated them -- George W. Bush turns out to be connected to bin Laden.

See, Bush knows this guy (an acquaintance, not a friend) from his DKE days, and this guy's wife has a sister who knows this dude with great hair who once, when he was young and very drunk, spent the night with this woman who is a huge fan of the MTV show "Cribs."

Small world! Bin Laden's second wife also loves "Cribs"! FBI investigators, who now routinely use Friendster in their searches for terrorists, piece together these connections and hit the jackpot -- Osama bin Laden's profile complete with an e-mail address, OBLbKickin@aol.com. Investigators initiate a virtual romance with the terrorist leader, and he invites what he believes to be his virtual paramour up to the cave for drinks. Sadly, none of OBL's 49 Friendster friends -- although many give him glowing testimonials on the Internet -- spring to his defense in the real world.

Now people are so sick and tired on not getting answers to their questions and problems with Friendster that they're coming to ask me. I've noticed this happening more and more lately. Example:

WhiteSnake wrote:
> Have you ever had a problem when the number of
> friends you are connected to doesn't show up.
> And if you do how do you fix it?

If it doesn't fix itself when you reload the page on your Web browser, then it's broken. Best to come back an hour (or a day) later. If you're asking about Gallery searches, that's been down for over three weeks now.

--Ryan the Friendster Slut
http://friendsterslut.blogspot.com


Oh, and my favourite fakester (i.e. fake friendster), late-night-infomercial fake-Jamaican tarot-card-reading shaman Miss Cleo's running for President...this oughta liven things up :-) with Miss Cleo as president, the first 30 days of presidency are absolutely free! And after that, only $3.99 a minute! What a deal!

Dat's right babies! Da will a'da spirits be dat
I should lead dis wonderful nation trew da comin
times! Due ta m'overwhelmin popularity and trust
wit'in da Friendster community, Miss Cleo be
runnin fer president! So call me now ta cast yer
vote! An visit m'web page at

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-misscleoforprez.htm

Shango Bless America!

This morning, on a whim, I sign in (I have noticed that early morning, when the West Coast is still waking up, can often be a good time to use Friendster).

Slow as molasses. Personal network sizes unavailable. Gallery searches still unavailable. Feh.

and the January 2004 issue of Wired puts it best, on its regular feature, the Hype List. On the way DOWN:

Six Degrees of Enough Aleady: Social networking sites from Friendster to Friendzy are sucking up VC (i.e. venture capital) cash. Merge 'em all and call it DoubleClique.

ROTLFMAO...

Gallery searches still not working...at first I was kidding about the "weeks" crack I made earlier, but now it *HAS* been several weeks since this turkey worked.

And I get a message from a fellow friendster:
If Friendster starts charging, join tribe dot net
(I can't write out the URL b/c these guys are
Nazis and erase accounts that post invitations to
join tribe).

As far as I'm concerned, I'm calling for a Friendster Death Watch. It's only a matter of time, people.